I had a “bad phase” in my day yesterday…
Yesterday, towards the end of the day, things were a little chaotic; and it wasn’t particularly enjoyable. What was supposed to be a simple store run of 30 minutes turned out to be 4 hours and a lot of distress… Top that off with being in another man’s country; where the primary language (French) isn’t exactly my forte.
So, yesterday, I said I was going to the store to get 1. water, 2. white vinegar and 3. baking soda. I knew what I wanted ooo. People, I knew before going to that store! I even wrote a list!
I took a Yango taxi to the shopping centre, and then saw an Orange agent shop, and decided that it would be helpful to have them set up my Orange Money wallet. With my broken French, I tried to explain why I was there. I sat for a good while, itching at the slooow service, with occasional bombastic side eyes to the customer service people. Like, you know some of those places that when you go to, you should just close your mind and accept that you are going to absolutely waste your time? Yes, that! They fully wasted my time.
Finally, it got done and I proceeded to the supermarket. I got the things I came for, and then some extra stuff; I deeply regret my impulsive purchases🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️. I finally paid, called a Yango, and this guy took an eternity. The map showed he was 2 minutes away, for about 10 minutes straight. I called him, “Monsieur, bonsoir, tu est ou maintenant?” He responded that he was close, but still didn’t show up. I cancelled the trip after waiting for over 15–20 minutes with my shopping cart in front of the store.
I ordered another one, which showed up in 4 minutes. We loaded the things into the car, I sat in the back, and then decided to crosscheck the receipt. I was skeptical about how much money I’d paid for this small store run. It was way more than the usual, and for even less stuff. Why so expensive? Then I saw at the bottom, the price of the frying pan I picked, which was a little over twice the price I saw on the shelf. I asked the driver to stop, and offload the things because I wanted to check back with the supermarket. I paid half price of the fare, to compensate for his time in coming to the pick up point anyway.
The money wasn’t peanuts in the first place. Abidjan is expensive. Everything is expensive. Even breathing is expensive.
And you know the subliminal disposition you have as a foreigner when you feel like everyone just might try to rip you off? Yes! Because I was tired of the little rip offs, and my lack of adequacy in expressing myself in French, which often made me let things go, even when I should be standing my ground.
I went back in, and with the help of google translate, asked the front desk to show me where I could go to if I had an issue or complaint. She said, “Here.” With my broken french mixed with English, I explained the situation. “This pan was less than half the price on the shelf, so I’m not sure about this figure.”
She got someone to take me back to the isle, and I showed him where I picked my pan from. Then he said sorry, that pan shouldn’t be there, and that someone must have put it there mistakenly. This was the actual price.
Okay…
I decided to keep the pan; it was what I wanted, even though it was twice the price. Now, I ordered another Yango and wheeled out of the store. Because of the mounting traffic, the fare this time was more than twice what I’d paid to come.
I had a virtual meeting scheduled with someone, and I was late because of all this back and forth. I had to apologize, and ask for some buffer time to get home. Fortunately she was accommodating.
I was exhausted, had a slight headache, was slightly annoyed at the waste of my time, the delayed rides, my stupid, unplanned purchases, my lateness to my meeting and the traffic. I’d also volunteered to help a friend with a write up, and I hadn’t done it yet, and it was due the next day but I was too exhausted…
I got home, unloaded the things, and as usual, the driver didn’t have all the change, and ended up taking the rest of my money (It is the rudest of culture shocks in this country, that people have no change when you purchase something and end up taking the rest with the statement; il n’y a pas monnaie, meaning they don’t have change). I still don’t understand this concept, and how it’s a normal practice!
I was also extremely annoyed with myself for my poor decisions. I didn’t spare myself.
I apologized to God for being so stupid… Araba, that was pretty stupid of you to do A, B, C. Especially now. Honestly! You should’ve known better, and done better. I didn’t spare myself.
I set up the virtual meeting link, and saw a missed call from my mum. The old folks are hard to get, so I called back immediately, before joining the meeting.
She wanted to check up on me. I’d told my family to call more often or be accessible. It was often very boring; and sometimes quite lonely here; and I didn’t have friends yet, and didn’t know the place well enough to have a vibrant social life. Plus the sharp contrast of the environment and culture shock was really shocking ooo.
She asked how I was and all. It was a nice lovely thing to check in and chat. But because I wasn’t in a great mood, and after one or two curt responses (you know, like when you’re giving short, one-word, brusque answers to what should be a long conversation), I realized that I was projecting.
I could tell that I might project the frustration and exhaustion of my evening experience into our conversation. My patience and accommodation was already threadbare.
I stopped the conversation. I knew that I might probably end up being brash or unkind with her, and it was no fault of hers. She wasn’t responsible for my bad experience that evening. She was trying to do something loving by checking in, asking about my day and all.
So I said, “Please I’ve had a bad day. I’m not okay. I’m not in a great mood right now, and I don’t want to take it out on you, because it’s not your fault. I don’t want to hurt your feelings by saying something unkind, or being impatient with you. I’m so glad you’re checking up on me, but can we talk tomorrow instead, when I’m in a better mood?”
She asked what happened, and I gave her an abridged version. She was empathetic. I said, “Thanks, I’m sorry, but let’s talk tomorrow.”
For me, this was the little light of the whole evening. It felt good to communicate, and not hurt a loved one, because I was not in a great state… I am thankful for the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to nudge me through my conscience and inner thoughts, to make me stop the conversation and communicate clearly to my mum that I was not okay, and postpone our interaction. I am thankful for bringing to my consciousness, not to hurt her for something she had no hand in. At the end of the day, it was all about communicating.
I am happy I was mature yesterday in this way, and I hope to keep this lesson for a lifetime. It was the sweet silver-lining in the cloud… Maybe this was the whole point; the whole lesson; for me, to learn… So, I am learning…
Sometimes, we tend to project our emotions on others, take things out on them, give them the short end of the stick, or deal harshly with them for some of the unpleasant things that happen to us within our day. Maybe with more consciousness and kindness, we can do better.
This is the main message I want to communicate through this entire post; not the “bad day,” but the mature kindness that resulted through it, and the consciousness to try to communicate and do better with the people we love, in our lives, because they truly may not know what we’re going/went through, or even be responsible for those “bad” days…
#robbiewrites #radiantrobbie 27.7.23
PS: As I think on it, I realise my day had been pretty good. I’d met a friend from my recent Germany trip and I’d finally made a decison on my new apartment, and was going to be signing on the contract soon. I’d say it was rather a pretty good day, don’t you think? 😊
