Lethargic moments…
I don’t know what the source of this feeling is, but I’m tired and slow. I just feel so tired and drained, even as I keep going. My mind needs a minute, likewise my body and emotions. I feel very little energy or enthusiasm about the things that used to ignite joy in my heart or drive me like a magnetic, magnanimous force. My creative juices are momentarily tapping out.
I’m not sure what’s happening, but I’m in this temporary moment of limbo.
It started as a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and a bitter taste in my mouth for days; I was sick and with it came the lethargy where I didn’t feel like doing much. I got better but those two initial symptoms stayed — that loss of energy — loss of enthusiasm stayed — that sick bitter feeling gnawed in the recesses long after they should’ve been gone.
Deeply engaging people like I know I can and probably should, feels exhausting and much like expending too much energy which I currently lack. I’m not sure what’s happening to me or what’s next, but one thing is sure, I’ve had a great year.
I’ve had an amazing year, so this feeling isn’t born in defeatism or unfulfillment. I’m truly quite the opposite. I’m super proud of myself. By God’s grace, I’ve created so many wonderful things and gotten out of my comfort zone to accomplish super great feats beyond my wildest imaginations, especially this year! All thanks to God for his kind mercy.
I’m praying about this feeling, and I know one truth about it; it’s just a feeling; a prolonged feeling, but a feeling nonetheless. I know another truth; that feelings pass. Dark clouds turn bright again. Things get better.
So, I will not take a permanent decision on a temporary feeling. I will not blow it up into something more than it actually is. This is not where I judge my entire life and think it inadequate because of a dark cloud of mental, physical and emotional exhaustion and indifference. No, I have a pretty good life — it’s not perfect, but it’s tremendously laced with great moments that make it worthwhile, fulfilling and promising.
I’m an extrovert; more specifically an ambivert; that’s my default setting. I love pouring of myself, interacting with others and putting myself out there. But there are moments where I need to recoil and recharge…
There are moments where all I want to do is withdraw or sleep in bed all day and not even open the windows for the sun to come in. There are those moments where I need a fuel top up for an empty tank. There are times when the curtains on the stage falls for an interlude so that another amazing scene can surface when the curtains lift again. I’ve done so much and stretched myself within a short time that it makes sense for this spontaneous and unannounced unplugging.
Moreover, I am grateful for the opportunity to have such deep self awareness that helps me firstly understand my own emotions, even their ebbs and flows. I’m grateful that I can properly self diagnose my feelings even when I don’t have all the answers. Chiefly, I am grateful that I have the word of God and the friendship of the Holy Spirit as a bedrock and solid support system through all the changing scenes of life…
#robbiewrites #radiantrobbie 6.11.22
PS: If you’re going through a lethargic moment where everything feels dull and lackluster, this piece is for you. Own the emotions, but do not let them take you over. Acknowledge them and let them go. You can sink deeper and deeper into an abyss for what was meant to be a temporary disconnect if you do not check it. Stay grateful; that’s how to keep the lights on in the midst of a dark time.
We live in a generation where everyone is so quick to label everything as something — some would say it is a depression — it is not. Humans have highs and lows — high highs and low lows, and it may often be without explanation. That’s all there is to this. Feelings pass so this too shall pass; run to your rock and your solid support system. Mine is Jesus.
I know that people tend to think that I am strong, I always have my life together and I always put on an A game. They think that I always have it figured out to the “t”. That’s what makes pieces like this so relevant to share — to show you the days where things aren’t that bright and shiny, when I seriously have no motivation and to show you that it is never the end, only a pause for a recharge. Everyone needs a moment or three to relight their spark… It’s life, it’s okay.
